This quote I wrote after a period in my life when I had been working very hard, trying to fulfill my destiny. Studying for good grades, working long corporate hours, and being a ‘good daughter’ too. It took me far. Until I became ill.

Burn out. The to-do list became too long. Because I couldn’t move a muscle, I was forced to ‘follow’ this time. Follow my body. Follow the rhythm of day and night. Follow the dinner schedule of the people who prepared it for me. I thought I was going to lose my mind for sure. And I did.
I lost all the mind chatter saying I had to do this or that, just to feel ‘good enough’. And slowly instead of leading by mind, I started to follow my soul.

Now, think about it. Do you lead? Or do you follow?

I had to dig deep and lie in a bed for a year, just to be able to listen to the soft whisperings of my soul. I felt I had no future. The past was gone too. Completely in the now, my whole being became very quiet. The loud mind chatters softened too. Fortunately, you don’t have to lie still for such a long time, there is another way.

Did you ever dance with a partner who is a great leader on the dance floor?

You can totally lose yourself in those leading arms, floating away on the rhythm of the music. It’s funny how we can find freedom in someone else directing how, and when we move. But at some point the music stops, and you’re own your own again. What to do then? Follow or lead?

During my recovery I was lead to an old, ochre and gold colored temple in the north of Thailand, where a buddhist monk saved my life by reminding me of my destiny. I would love to tell you the whole story one day about how I went bamboo rafting, and how following the wild river ended up being very dangerous. For now, let me just share this: with his message, the monk helped me to Design my own Destiny. I just had to follow AND lead at the right times, just like a dance.

Mae Belteyn
Sacred Ritualist

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